i ripped out my heart and let you read it like a book you handed back and said i dont care

the blog don't CARE wont care is about you too.
you.
you.
you
you make me angry
i talked to you
and for a second i felt bad about that blog i wrote
because you were being sweet
then you stop
that girl on the fone wasn't your girlfriend
so please stop lieing to me
and everyone around you
who do i like?
 i thought it mite be you
but you changed my mind in a second
why am i mad at you
because your you
you do stupid ass shit
and flip your script so much.
one minute im beautiful
the next you have a girlfriend
you make me want to cry
i don't no my emotions for you anymore.
ill always love you because ive never stopped getting over you is the hard party
because i love two people
his memory is fading fast and im trying to hold on to it has long has i can.
your always there but my memory's with you arnt has pleasant.

living with our headphones up

we got sound and that's enough.
 im in a MOOD.
aghh yeah ill say it i have done illegal shit before.
yeah i have k
got a problem?
anyway
im hot and sweaty and gross feeling because my stupid AF dad wont get air conditioning
summer has gone by so damn fast i hate this
it doesn't feel like damn summer to me
and i hadn't had real fun in a while like i used to have with taking pictures up all night never bored times with friends i miss those damn times.
i feel everyone knows stuff that i don't like idk
i need to clean my room dn lose some more weight
note to self: stop eating so goddamn much
today check list
1.eat small meals 5 of em.
2.clean my room
3.clean my bathroom
4.exceisize
5.shower
6. Americas got talent
if i don't get this shit done and stop procrastination imma
get angry
aghhh im stressed out
and shit so
bye.

dont care wont care

i was going to write a blog about you i decided that last night 

but then i got on the computer put a title up and imedetly  erased it 

why? you wont care you wont even read it and if i said it to your face you wouldn't care then your 

NOT a caring person

you wont care

you act like you care but you don't

i don't want you 

the only reason i think i want you

is because the fact

that you say you want me

people never want i have never met a boy with a crush on me.

people say nicole YOUR GORGEOUS 

then why arnt boys liking me adding me flirting with me dating me

why was my first kiss a i feel sorry for you truth or dare kiss?

i want that happy ending with a good looking caring guy 

he isn't you your

a hope builder

u feed on giving ppl false hope

but then why do you keep haunting my dreams.

i hate it 

i don't hate you

but i hate a lot about you

your no angel the only halo you got came with an XBOX  (chris webby thank you for this quote thingy)

i want someone else.

so please stop saying i got a big booty and shit thanks

BYE!

we say the samethings.

we both want the same things
him
we both want the ending with
him
we both are friends with
him
We both are best friends
I want to be
friends forever
I want him there forever
I want him

You want to be friends forever
You want him forever
You want him

He wants both are friendships
He wants Her
He wants Her more.

Her wants Him
Her wants our Friendship
Her  wants HIM more

Only one of us can have a taylor swift ending
Only if  HIM wants us
Only if dreams came true
</3

i dont think i love you

the other day i was watching the jacyee dugurd <-- cant spell her name and she talked about hoe much she loves her mom and how much she missed her but usually at that part i would cry but i couldn't i kinda felt awkward because i didn't want to cry and hug my mom because im not sure i just got this strange vibe like i don't even love my parents i mean i have to how could i not love my parents there pretty cool. but this thought keeps creeping up in the back of my head "do you even love them" i don't no what to do. and my mom is gone for this whole week and im not even bothering to call her because i don't miss her... WHATS GOING ON i mean shes my mom i love her i have too there is no reason not to i feel guilty because i don't no if i love my own mother and father.
...i need help

bad mood

im ina bad mood today
and i have no cluee why
well im in a bad mood because
like i was supost to go somewhere this weekend and i was really excited.
then ym parnets told me i had to telll her noo because my room still looks trashy and my grandma is like aperntly dying right in front of me and i dont even relly talk to her so i guess im supost to go see her.
....watch isnt good i relly wanted to go thow i relly did im so sad i cant.
its like everytime i want to go somethings in my way </3 stupied stupied stupied

imiisyou

we were like bestfriends
but i feel like i dont no you anymore
im actully scared to talk to you
i dont no why you dont seem like a bad person
you just have changed
im not saying for like the bad
but diffrent
but i really missyou
how we talked everyday on fb
or you came to my house
lieke veryday after school
goin to your party
your ridcuousls
in the good way
i really missyou so muchh
your so pretty too.
but i feel like this friendship is turning to a hi every once in awhile and i dont like it
i want to be best friends again
..i dont no what to say :(

dreams.

the truth is
if i could sleep all day i would
because i love dreaming'its like
a sicknesss
i love it
its my drug i like
to listen to my ipod and just day dream
for hours.
but last night my dream was soo weird
lol
im not gonna share  it sorry.
itss to complicated

following your dreams!
so at warped tour
dohvie from
botdf
said somthing that really hit
me
he said
follow your dreams i promise they will happen if you follow them be your self
trying is aceptable giving up or not trying is  not aceptble
watch really wants to make me lose weight
if i want it bad enough only i can try and change it
so i will
thank you dohvie
your like my hero sometimes you really inspire me
and jay von monroe your so freaking sexy,cute,amazing :D

twisted up!

^that title up there^ i have no clue why its the title
anyway how has my life been latly?
FUCKING AMAZING
yes i said it AMAZING
AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING AMZING
i have lsot weight like 20 pounds!
why am i happy for like 20 pounds its not much i no i still look pretty fat
but i ahvent really been working hard
at all
like i still eat junk food alot
specailly blazed..
but i guess jsut trying to be way more active i walk a lot insted of car or sitting at home
and i jsut try to eat in modreation.
eat less
and be more active
but i relly havnt been eating healthy at all.
or excersizing but its been working for liek the last month
i got like 2 more months of summer
and imam go HARD.
by excersizing aLOT
i mean ALOT.
and eating very healthy and ill see if i can lose a LOT MORE.
like ALOTMORE.
and be skiiny by the time school starts.
but losign weight
makes my perspective om life so muhc better
like im confident with guys more now.
i love guys I AM BOY CRAZY
and i feel like i ahve more of a chance
and im more confident in my self
im not a failure at all.
im trying
so hard for the rest of the summer.  to lose this weight wish me luck guys <3 <3
so maybe twisted up is a good thing maybe i was down but now my mood is twisting up?
hahah maybee
bye!

warpedtour

best thing in my life
it was great
awesome
auhmazzing
it left this feeling of hope and happyness
imet a gay guy jayme and he gave me his name and stuff and told me to add him on fb but but it washed off my arm and i forgot his full facebook name :(
but it was cool
i met simple plan everyavunee the lead singer of the suit and the gutariest of solongarletta
i was front row for bloodonthedance floor and i got to touch dovie and jay!
then front row fer stephe jerzak<3 <3 <3 <3
i saw the readyset and almost got the drum stick tila bitch grabed it from me.
and i thought iw as gonan die in a  mosh pit wathc made abby shoeless.
yeah i wuld write about everything else super cool.
but i bragged enough

im selfish

im so selfish i put my emotions before yours
if your happy then i am too
just having you in my life is ok with me
...........ok im lying
but your happy so there for so am i
i rather have you happy then dead.
but i think your lying .
its not true

HEY if your reading this

k so i know my blog isnt that cool nothing really reading worthy about
it
but
today when i logged off i ahd 356 views then when i got back on 372 views
so PEOPLE MUST BE READING IT RIGHT?
so yeah ppl reading THANKYOU SO MUCH
i mean its only like 3 ppl i think but still im not good at math grammar and all that stuff
BUT THANK YOU THANK YOU
YOUR THE BEST
but now i must ask a favor
please leave comments if you read them id love to know whos reading it
and
tell your friends lets get more readers
I know
its really nothing to benafit the readers all 3 pp XD
but please?
i would say somthing cheesy like together we can uprise aginst bullying (if i could i would)
or we all can not be fat
together (not calling my readers fat lol)
but anyway i like when ppl read my stuff
i lost my point
strangers please read this cuz i like strange ppl  yeah~

I CAN barley hide this EXCITMENT

SO last year i went to a paramore concert and i over did i posted excatly like 15 status about it in 2 days and got all MY friends pissed at me for braging but hey it was my first concert!
but i really want someone this year to be happy for me going to WARPED TOUR. but i hanvt relyl told ppl in stuff cuz i dont want to be all bragy bitchy but i no some of my friends (not talking to you leah) have read my blog wathc mentions warped tour and havnt even asked me about i mean come on everyone knows im dying to explode about but i have benn keeping it cool havnt told anyone anything really.
but im begging some one to ask me oh ur going out of town 2morrow why?
so i can be all like BITCHES I AM GOING TO WARPED TOUR SUCK ITT.<---with out the bitches and suck it part that would be rude.
but any way with abby cuz she invited me in indian and were staying at a hotel and im going to get a shirt and get to see some of my favriote bands like LIKE blood on the dance floor a day to rember THE READY SET stephen jerzakk simple plan and a shit load more of my favorites. and i really want to tell everyone that i see because im so excited.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i just got to brag to my blog yay!
anyway theres a cool person out there named............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
.......................
LEAH FREAKING AMAZING BITCHES hEsS
she is an awesome person and shes a lesbian wathc makes her cooler cuz shes not afraid to be herself
no serously shes pimpin. like foreal.
like she says shes mean!
but shes not shes the real deal
liek i have never met anyone who doesnt like her even popular kids like her
she should be a super hero
i see it now
her long blonde hair
flwoing in the wind and wearing a purple spandex cosutme with two LL on it standing for leah the lesbian
and a rainbow cape the says onloy awesome ppl wear rainbow capes on it because shes super cool
she make sme laugh so hard and she makes me feel cool when i hangout with herr.
so YEAH thats all i ahve to say righ tnow about how cool she is because i dont want to give her a big ego like helen.hahah <--helen would laugh
but anyway i have to pakc and shower and all that shit for tmmrw
CUZ WARPED TOUR BITCHES
again with out the bitches cuz thats jsut rude
XD
XD/...............btw srry for misspellings leah (im being so creppy in this blog
oh and btw when im thinkign to my self who can i be my complte self around with out being judged leah pops in my head because shes nice. and is cool
and i dont have to hide my personnality from her
heres a picture of leah

Ive known you for awhile.

your cute.
we have history
i want to talk to you
i miss you
you haunt my dreams& my thoughts
you where a sweet heart
but your ugly side showed everyone has forgot you
but I cant help but rember you
your blue eyes that sparkle
your tiny hugs that cuddle
your everything
NO i dont like you
i dont even no you anymore
i wish  i did know you
but i dont
i dont know anything about you any more
its been two years
and nothing
you wont respond to my facebook chat but
its ok
i am over
you
but it would
be nice to be friends with you
but i guess its ok
that were not
have a good life

the good and the bad

I edited MY  blog! and im really happy with the new name and everything!
kay. anyway i always look at the bad in my life. My life may have its issues but it has its good times too.
so this is a hapy blog of all the things i love most in my life!
the moments i cherish and stuff.
1. FRIENDS (this is a little shout out sorry if i forgot you.)
CASSIE BESTPERSONEVER BEHLER. ILOVEYOU k honestly its true you are the most amazing person ever! and i have to say im addicted to your blog! i love it idk why but i like how real you are in it.
anway, yeah your supper cool and thankyou THANKYOU for being there you mean the world to me.
JACKSON AWESOMEKID SIMS-MEYER k well iloveyou your my bestfriend you are prolly equal to cassie. cassie could be a little more awesome thow srry. <---shes been my best friend since like 5th grade. anyway i love how comfterble we are around eatch other i love having a guy best friend like you! the day i  cherish the most downtown with jenni day and that like 6 hour skype day that ended in tears. but i prolly will never tell you why i was crying. sorry. any way your auhmazzing! i love your hugs btw you wear really big shirts. your to skinny for them get smaller shirts please?
ABBY k gurll i love you  we wernt very close til i had a breakdown at school and told you like everything in my life. and now where like bestfriends and  you made my dream come true cuz your taking me too warped tour yay!<---thats a good thing in my life.
HELEN<---cool kid your my close friend we have wacked out moments but a moment with you is never bad like goign swimign when its frezzing out side at like midnight, walking to meijer, dying your hair and all that other things we do. YOUR CRAZY. like physco. but its k cuz i <3 you.
SONYA-your super cool and funny and i love you
COUC--YOUR crazy hyper but your alot of fun to hangout with.
^^^those ppl are my closest bestest friends srry if your not on her i still love you
2.family.
THOMAS-your so awesomeeee your the bestest brother ever
i mean like ever! we are really close and im happy because your awesome yeah mayn i love hanginout with you and my friends. your cool. kepp it pimpin
DAD-you give me what i want if i beg so yeah!
mom- your easy to talk to
3.DOGS
i have really cute dogs :D
yeah i no longer feel like writing this.
bye

yeah another updatee!

so im going to like copy cassie in away with out her permession. but i dont think she cares in less she does so cassie I LOVEEEE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

summer has been fun.
ive done alot of things.
but there were alot of things i wish i had said to ppl that i didnt so im going to wrtie them hear in letters. but i relly dont want ppl to find out who they are.
so yeah .

dear person number one,
sometimes i dont like you
your kinda a backstabber.
but your cool at the same times.

dear person two,
i LOVE YOU
no really i do im always thinkign you dont like me
but your my bestfriend and yeah btw this letter is for BAGELL.
yeahhh we have the best times ever togetherr your so auhmazzing,
we arwe waytoo closee inthe good way yeah you make me laugh so hard and we have great convos early in the morning yeah mayn.

dear person3,
we got close this year.
and we have actully  hang out alot this summer so far your funy and cool.

dear person4,
your cool and all but i have a big issue with you
i mean its not far for me too have this issue with you because you prolly do relly like.(not trying to give ppl away so i wont finsh this sentence) but anway your pretty and funny thow i have met you only a few times we should hangout more as loong has you dont talka bout yeah.

dear person5,
your one of the best ppl ever
i would of forgot you even you hadnt just comment on my wall post but yeah i love you.
your a little to boyfriend crazy. but ill get over that i give you permission to be crazy because you have a great boyfriend. and im so happy foryou.
and im so happy my brother and your sister met!
dear person6,
you truly are my hero
and i lvoe hangingout with you
i just feel like you dont like hanging with me
or i ahve to have somnthing to chill with you but anyway im happy how clsoe we are
dear person 7,
were should i start?
your crazy. but i am crazy too.
i think about you constantly
you really are so clueless how much you mean to me and im happy for you
thow this happyness is surely envy.
i mean id die for you i truly would
i jsut wish you new how much i really did care and how i actully feel but you prolly
would never understand and it would ruin everything
so ill jsut contue to cry at night and put on a happy face
imissyou. and i can never lose you.
but i really hope you get over it FAST. and find me when you do
because ill always be waiting.
yeah i sound prolly creppy in this kinda physco but i cant help true emotions.
bestfriend iloveyou
dear person 8,
YOUR MY VERY BEST FRIEND
but i hate how beatiful you are
and how much ppl like you.
because they dont like me nearly has much.
i dont want to lose you ever
but one day im scared i will.
butanway on a happy note your freak awesome and i lvoe you tons and tons.
dear person9,
i really want to be freinds with you and your bestfriend because you guys are so cool
but im two weird
dear person 10,
YOU PLAYED ME but thats ok because i was using you
yeah your cute
and yeah you made me feel specail
but no i truely could of not liked you because i was alrady in love with someone else
you just made me feel specail and you took my mind of of the other person
and why i was cought up with you i slowly last that person and when i snapped back it was already to late but
yes i did cry over you
and i did stalk your facebook
and i did bahs you to my friends
but your a jerk
with a cuteness to you
but what ever your thrown away now
have fun with her.
dear person 11,
your two amazing
and i feel awesome hanging out with you
i hope this friendship contunes because your funny and fun!

well yeah thats it actully theres a ton more ppl i want to write two but fer now this is good enough.

nothing exciting just an update.

soooo.
i dont relly blog much anymore because i dont have internet well besides on my brothers computer but anyway
I regert the blogs i wrote in the past even thow i feel that way alot of the time doesnt mean its true. i have good friends actully GREAT FRIENDS. they dont care what size i am only i do and yes im trying to change my size and i refuse to fail i bet a lot of ppl out their want me to fail and they will try there hardest to hurt me and that made me realize somthing.
PEOPLE at my school or in genreal just around the world now im not saying everyone is like this but people just seem like they will go out of their ways to be mean to me (not jsut me everyone)
i cant spell (its not true i can spell its just im to lazy to take my time with blogs and facebook to make things perfecrt) or im too  loud , my nose is weird im to FAT. im anoying. im "emo" im this im that.
come on get over yourself. yeah i know im not a size two. i know that i culd be more quiet i no my nose is big  i no i tend to talk to much emo is emotinal guys seroiusly every girl is emo on their period. but SO WHAT. i am me and i owuld be lying if i said i dont care what you say about me .because i do or i wouldnt get so cought up with it. truth is yes being made fun of and talk behind your back and such it hurts its mean. and it makes me so insecure but no what forget you if you dont like anything about me then ignore me  i have people that love and like me for who i am. but then <-------- that whole little speech thing made me realize NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT ME. im so cought up on peoples opinons that i think everyone stares at me and everyone is judging em news flash nicole <--- im talking to my self im not weird. any way not everytihng about you the world doesnt revolve around you. i really dont know what to do in these messy feelings. besides try to change the things i dont like about my self like my size but i refuse to try to change the things the world doesnt like about me. i like my anoyingness and my loudness and so do my friends the people i do care about. THIS BLOG IS LONG. but i have  alot more thins to write about . im gonna write another blog k <--note to nicole: please try to spell more things write by slwoing down on my thoughts,