Sunday, August 29, 2010

dreading everything.

ok so im like super super super nervous about a lot right now. 
school is starting soon&orintaion is on moday joy :\ im scared to see ppl and to see what classes i get.
and to take a school picture. :(
school terrfies me.
and im trying to better my life but it just isnt working. the more i try the more im diging then hole to my grave.
and im finally going to to go to therapy. will im not sure but my mom is trying to set me up and crap so idk when im forsure going. but i no im scared because i dont know whats going to happen. 
i need to fix some things in my life and i hope therapy will help me do that.
gos being a teenage girl sucks. i get why ppl say i dont miss beign a teenager becuz it infact is anoying.
 welll im about done here.
here are a few qoutes imaa gonna try to live by.
if your trying to please every one else your never going to be happy your self.
lerned to love ppl for who they are.
what doesnt kill you makes you stronger..

peace. really trying to be the better person but i keep screwing up dont give up on me.


Thursday, August 26, 2010


ok so im like kinda copying kasey&mearah but  i think i need to write about this because in like one my posts i said i would and i havnt.
so here it goes.

RAPE: i i never really spoken out about me feeling toward this subject and now i think its time to say what i think. 
okay well ITS TERRIBLE. so wrong. and if you think its right then obvoiusly you need HELP.
sex is supost to be fun. and somthing you do when you love eatchother. rape is taking fun and love from someone. making some one feel worthless and dirty. they cant erase the horrible memoires you gave them. just because YOU wanted power. most likey you have fantasy's about doing that to someone and now you want to act it out. saying sorry wont fix the promblem you have greated. most likey rapist/molesters. like  young children because they dont know its wrong what your doing to them. you tell them not to tell and that your there friend most likey there not going to watch makes you get away with it..  intil the child is older and relizes it wast right. then telling sometimes can be to late. 
watch can cause ppl to SELF MEDICATE. watch can result in to cutting,drinking,random sex,pills,drug habbits.
and SUCIDE there are more but those are commen.
im going to talk alittle bit about those self medcating options ppl take.

CUTTING: to get angerout and confusement to relive pain for your mind is to have physical pain. mosst ppl think cutters are pintless losers that do it for attion. watch in some case's that is true. but honestly you dont know about inless you have witnessed or done it. its to get out the anger and to free your mind in a werid way. most likely cutters dont want to die they want to relif the pain in there mind.

DRINKING: when your in the high of drinking your having fun. not really thinking about promblems going on in your life.

RANDOM SEX: having sex all the time just because you feel like you have nothing to lose anymore watch can cause a sex addict.

PILLS/DRUG HABBITS.:to forget is to be always high and lost in pills and deep in your mind in sleep. your like a living zombie walking the earth.

SUCIDE: take ones own life. ppl do this to escape the pain they are feeling and if suceced there  is no turning BACK. its a ssad awful thing.

now think all of this can happen to some one (+ more) jsut because they have been raped 
so next time you look at a cutter drugy sex addict. dont judge them get to know them because somthing like rape can be holding them back from actully living life and being happy

once again it is a awful thing. yes you can make jokes about we all do thats how some rape victums get by it is joking around. but be careful because any one can be holding a secert in.

so this was a really deep subject and along post.

nikkole <3

i do care what ppl think.

i cant help it i wish i could but i jsut care what ppl think. agh im tirrifed that if i do what i want and say what i think sye my hair the color i want ppl will call me out for stuf that its true like oh your copying or your stupied or wow thats ugly. i HATE  BEING CALLED A COPYER.because im not one.
i like to do things my way and maybe if you do it the same way oh well but yeah. i think im done with this

btw im going to try to not care has kuch about what everyone else thinks.


Saturday, August 21, 2010

i see that your just doing it to seem cool around everyone else.

we used to be really good friends.
but im sick of your bull shit!
i mean really you try to blame  everything wrong in our friendship on me. everytime i am with you its mean comments and just judgements.  and you try to act like  "oh i dont care wat people think of me". and " i cant like that because everyone else does"  your trying to
hard to be orignal. jut like wat you want and do wat you want be your self that orignal.
and you say you dont care what people think then why do you do stuff to seem cool
thats right because you pose. i mean stop acting like you all emo like. be your gawd darn self or i dont even know if we can be friends anymore everytime we fight i  blame it on my self i beome the better person and try to fix every thing and  IM DONE WITH THAT
 if you really want to save this friendship then do somthing your self because once i move (btw i might move out of ann arbor) its going to be goodbye ppl who act like there real friends. im going to furget all the drama and fakes and haters and start new only ppl who act like friends  will still see me and talk to me. im done. also dont ask me who this is about im not going to tell you.
this was not ment to start drama  this was ment to let feelings out.
k well bye

lifes a bitch.
 love&get use to

Thursday, August 19, 2010


ok so i have relized somthing, i hate copiers. i no for a fact what some people are thinking.
nikkole you copy people,your the copier. well actully i dont copy ppl i dont want to be like everyone else. i am my self yeah maybe you did hear that song first but i like it so deal with it.
maybe you do where your hair like that but have you looked around like 6 others girls are rocking the same hair cut. maybe you did start that saying first but everyone else is saying it too.
 its anoying i mean get a life i  am not doing it to be like you so stop flatering your self  (btw this is to people in genral no one pacific)  im doing it because it was my desion to do it i said i think my hair will look cute like that or that song is really awesome i like it. or that saying is awesome i need to say it
its not because you do it. i am not copying you get that straight.
but besides that i do hate when you can tell people are doing it because you do it. (im  not saying any names) so lets call her  juila.   what im saying is "juila" does do thing to be like me well i dont no if its to be like me trust you dotn want to be me. (im going to give fake exsamples so i dont offend any one or make anyone think its about them) but its like  i start saying like shamwoodle. and then i say it to juila and next day "omg thats so so shamwoodle" or its like i get a crazy idea to do somthing stuiped
like writing sex in ever profile pci of me then bam she does it. or if i do somthing like write a story about flying underwear the next day shes got a story about bra's that float. you know it really gets on my nerves serously. if you knwo who this is about then dont ask me if you dont then still dont ask me.
and if you relized this was about you dont be mad at me because im venting feelings and maybe you could stop  and be your own person. on one other thing and if i do copy someone i say hey "kasey i copyed your hat thing" (i used kasey ahs exsample she doesnt have a hat thing). besides that
people be ORIGNAL. and your self stop trying to be everyone else.

k well bye



heys o i wanted every one to know i just edited my blog i changed the title to like my favrote lyrics of brick by borning brick by paramore i aslo feels that described me!.  i changed layout and everything
yes you needed to know this

well k bye
ps. i am only going to write sspanish when i feel like it.


what am i thinking?&things i never tell you.!

things that mean the most to me.
1.god/heven/hell/good/bad.(thats like difrrent things but they all are liek the same catorgory),thomas,mom,angel,moca,dad,
(other too) im always listening to music, music desccribes me. my favrote band is paramore, ilike her voice,music style,lyrics,everything pretty much(hawthorn heights also!)
thats all i can think of for now.

what i wnat to change about myself (or wish i could change) jelousness i get jelous to easy anxiety.
4.body type,weight. nose its all big and flat.! i want it blonde with red unde neath like paramores haley willams red. and all chopy and razored. kind alike it is now (hair cut wise)

people who need a thank you!

1.helen-thanks for taking me to paramore,and always being there your a good friend.
2.kasey-we are so much alike its creepy she geets everything in my life and i get everything in her life


Tuesday, August 17, 2010

im thinking..

k  so im kinda copying kashay!

but imma talk about wat i want to do with my hair. and such
i want to dye it blonde like a light orangy blonde with the color of haley willams hair on the underneath of it. so blond e on top then red bottum with the hair cut i got now razzored and my layedd chopyness.
and its all cool loooking wellill hope it looks cool my hair gorws to fast to my choppy razored layers grew out :(. hah spelling promblems tha timt o lazy to fix.\


Monday, August 16, 2010


life and such. i feel writing really big this is toobig lmfao.
so im with jenni shes cleaning stuff. yesterday i wen to a paramore concert it was really really fun. i was in the same room has haley and felt great it give me hope.
today me and jenni just messed around. fun! i mite hang with her tmmrw. and on wesday where seeing vampires suck! excited. but i feel like one of my good friend r mad at me O.o. not cool.
i talked to kasey today and were planing a sleepover with helen. EXCITED!I ALSO HERD WERID grawling nosies in my house today. and no one was home O.o. it wanst even my DOGS! scared me to death

well im tired and i dont feel like writing spanish

Sunday, August 15, 2010

PARAMORE&new found hope

im happy right now because i got back from a paramore concet it was pretty sweet it gave me new found hope agh i dont feel liek writing illfinish this later 

k bye


agh why cant i SLEEP

so helen is sleeping tmmrw is the paramore concert and i am excited. but latly i havnt been able to sleep im wide awake right now and i culd prolly stay up for like another 6 hours. but i need my sleeep i want to be well wrested. for tomorrow so im not like falling over and sleeping why paramore is playing.

that wuldnt be could. im relly excited its my first concert i jsut dont anyone to thinkim beign bitchy or bragy. but i am excited and its not like wen  my friends go some where cool or on vaction. they dont brag about it. and i am fine with them talking about it but its like if i am doing somthing exciting. then i am being bragin bitch and crap this will prolly be the most exciting thing i do this summer and i owe it to helen and our family her mommy and daddy i feel really safe and comferbal at helens house. hah its like its my huse lol. helen is a good friend 

amigos para siempresueño inquietocansado es más nominal.

love nikkole

The new me.

ive decied i need a change. i am sick  of people pushing me around and crap
 so ive deiced im going to not put up with it.
the new me is going to make changes

1. im not going to let ppl sit there and lock me into there drama if it doesnt have to do with me.
then im not going to listen to hit dont freakin sit there and whine to me about how you and someone else is fighting. or if your amd at someone dont sit there and talk behind there back. if you tell me about how your mad at  (ill use a fake name) melony becuz she said that ur shirts ugly. dont fuckign tell me go talk to melony and tell her how u feel dont sit her and be like im mad lets talk shit tell her your mad and why
2. im going to do the same if im mad or ina fight with a friend im going to talk to them not freakin everybody else.

3. im goign to give everyone a chance im not going to dislike you becuz wat i herd and crap or if we got in a fight. im going try to like u in less u do me wrogn then we jsut got be friends

i had a lot of grammar errors but i dont relly care.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

HELEN BROKAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

helen brokaw is sitting next to me.
ha well where going to a paramore concert tomorrow and i am really happy! helen is a really good friend. i love her
with out helen i wuld have to stab every potatoe in the world. because helen is freakin auhmazzing shes a really good friend and is always there for me. and trustworthy 
well i am going to to go now 
btw this is inspired by helen

i freakin LOVER HER.
los amigos son como familia. no como las bandas de tonto una vez que tienes amigos a los que mantenerlos froeverbandas de tonto que el comercio fuera.


Thursday, August 12, 2010

creppy pervs&im not ohk with that!

ok so i was on facebook chatting with friends. when  a guy (not going to use real names) lets call him rick
chats me telling me i am pretty i dont know how he got on my facebook but he says "your eyes r relly pretty i love them <3" im like whaa maybe he thinks im someone else or older so i say "im young i dont no  you "
he says  "im 15" yeah right u look 35 stop showing off ur ugly. i think i blocked him but im not shure.
then a nother guy. lets call him mike. chats me " i want to fuck you in the butt" wats with all the pervs latly
im even pretty go harss someone else. i think  i say "god that now way to talk to a girl  get some manners god"
he says " im sorry i like to fuck in the butt" i think u look freakin9 "u look 9 so kid go away"
then he puts hearts at the end of everything. " ur loss of dick" he says lmfao "its prolly small any way and a little kid shouldnt talk like that" he got off line but agh thats so anoying  ppl these days.

audrey faye.

AUDREY faye. i love you your a really good friend ha
well im talking to audrey on facebook and she is just relly helpful. i really love her
shes a good friend. ive relized i never talk to her anymore. and we hanvt hanged all summer and i hate it i love her to death and i dotn feel like writing anymore,

audrey Faye i loove que tu como mi mejor amigo Me gustaría que pudiéramos salir más


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Cant sleep

it is way to HOT in my house and i cant freakin sleep :( and its anoying me.

i like sleep  but i cnat sleep i think ima read my breakin dawn book i always start reading then stop reading and draw some pictures. an write in my writing juronal. 
ive relized i got a best friend her name is DEJAH . she is always on facebook. and she jsut makes my day  at skool  i am mean to her i say rude things its not very nice im a jerk. i feel bad but she keeps coming back watch means she loves me i love her to death. dejah i love you and
yeah i dotn feel like writing any more.
so heh yeah 
buenas noches luna como el amor que el mundo de buenas noches te deseo que mejores amigos de las buenas noches deseo que estaba contigo cielo buenas noches, pero siempre buena noche de luna.

good night,nikkole


agh, you really make me mad sometimes i hate you so  much but then i love you
i feel stupied when i talk to you. and i feel foolish in so many ways. 
sometimes i feel like your auhmazzing and i love you and your a great friend and i love you.
but i hate you your rude comments your attuide why arnt i good enough  was i every good enough. why do you keep talking to me  if your just going to say anooying things or try to correct my life or my grammar or think im mad all the time. you dont know whats going on in  my life.
and  if you would care anyway. but i really like you  i dont know why its insane to even talk to you
but you are somthing specail i can tell but i dout u would like me and why would you and if you asked me if i loved you or liked you ofcourse id say no.  but of course if you read this you would think it was about you because your so full of your self. its true you are. i dont get wat im saying anymore 

me dolió mucho se ha giro que desea mi corazón romperlo en pedazos romper con un martillo me digas que me odian escupir en mi cara me digas soy inú digas que quieres que me muera hacer su peor y los malos siguen manteniendo runing espalda y los malos todavíacreo que me quieres. y yo siempre te amaré.

so i dont no excaatly what i agonan write i just no i have a lot on my mind right now.
one. i have really sucky grammar two. i tend to push people away if i love them. three.i tend to be emotinal but is it wrong to actully feel somthing? fourth.i have a really bad past that i dont like to share with people. 5.i love my friends 6.i  get jelous easy 7.i am too controling 8.sometimes i think i wont be missed when im gone. 9. i am a dramma queen but i hate drama 10. im terrifed of to many things

first post!!!!!!

im nikkole. this my blog.  i don't know what to say let me start with my friends.
 I love my friends i dont no what i would do with out them 
cassie-talking to her on facebook right now. she's a really good friend we tend to have a lot of inside jokes. helen-i love this girl she is alwasy there for me and really fun to hang out with. if i wasnt able to be her friend anymore id be lost. KASEY-i am pissed that this girl left me. she moved away from me. kasey is like my role model silly to say because she is younger then me.
but she is. i think she is beautiful. and i adore her. courtny-she is really funny and i  love being around her. and HADIYA-she makes great points and sets my straight when im acting bitchy or being stupied hadiya is like my conscience i dont think i spelled that right hah. well i have other friends to but thats like some of them.
 somthings to no about me.
fears, losing friends,bugs,snakes,rapist,love,being called a copyer,someone dieing. thats all i can think of for right now :P i think my new blog thing is saying somthing in spanish at the end of eatch post.

Me encanta la vida y estar con amigos. hacer blogs son divertidos, viven su vida.familiares y amigos son mi vida.