Monday, September 26, 2011

im soo sorry.

i need to learn how to SHUTTHEFUCKUP!
i mean i am really sorrry i really didnt mean to blurt it out but i didnt know it was a secert.
and i didnt know she was standing right there and would tell her.
i didnt know it was wrong
i was just talking about the subject in genreal with your best friend
i didnt mean to hurt you or anyone else
please forgive me,
i miss you so much as it is.
i dont want to lose you.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Letting go,

when i was 8 i never thought  we wouldnt be friends.  i told everyone me and (not saying name )--- are gonna go to collage together be best friends in highschool.
dude we have let go of our friendship. 
but now that i think about it i missyou sorta sometimes.
but on a other hand i dont see us being able to be friends again we have diffrent personailtys. and when we were friends? we always had drama
but i want to make peace with you
(even thow you dont read this)
i hope we can casually be friends again and i do wish you the best 
and im sorry we couldn't be friends and maybe blocking me on facebook is a nice suddle hint of our ending friendship  because if you would of inboxed me i prolly would of blew up.
and tryed to save somthing that was to far gone to save. but u can like unblock me now?
lol nah its whatever. 
have a great life :)
im also letting go of the fact of being kinda ushmae dthat my two best friends are 13.
ohwell there like 9 months younger then me big woop.
it just sucks i dont have school with them love yah brooklyn and helen (maya!kaylah!).
letting go 
of him?
i guess has happend i miss him and the funnest fucking memoires ever!
but i havnt seen him in a week, bleh not having classes with your  best friends? SUCK.
and now you
letting go of you.
i see it happening if it isnt already. we have no classes together and you never relly on the bus.
theres better friends out there for you than can make you not really good at that
i hope we can stay friends.
because trying to accept the fact that us has bestfriend isnt gonna last forever kills
me but i guess,
letting go of you might be the best thing for you.
no ever said change was easy.
but no one ever said it was hard.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

ill give you my heart on a string

i feel so low. why cant i be high

i feel kinda out of it
i feel like my flirting is failing watch brings me back
to nikkole your ugly has fuck and fat 
thats all i think about my self
theres no awesome personality wtf is everyone saying
im lamee
im a loser
to be honest my parnets keep making me think my friend use me
watch kinda upsets me
i mean if i ask them there like wtf no
but it keeps creeping in my mind
am i just a friend ppl use?
ftw fml
im in a really sad mood
because i feel useless
and ugly and stupied
and gross
im really unhappy
and i want t no whats wrong with me i see ugly skinny girls get hit on o\all the time
and i see semi fat pretty girls get hit on to
wtf is wrong with me
why does no one  like me
i hate my self
can i please be somebody else?
when i feel this low i usely cry and cut
but i havnt done that in like 7 months yay me.
poemish thing:
with its sharp edges and its shiny glisten 
it waits for me
to tell it my problems
with every drip of blood.

Monday, September 12, 2011

get over yourself or hop on the pity train

has their sad moments
their i hate my life moments
but ive been living those moments since 
i was born.
its never been good
im jsut used to
it and i know how to get what i want when i want the real reason im such a brat
i want to fit in i want to go to school in expensive things so
people think im coola dn can aford things.
truth is im a horrible person i make my family live with out
because i wanted school clothes but knowing my dad
that 600$ would of went to 
somthing diffrent anyways.
not to our bills or food or to anew house
my panrets give me hope then crahs them down
dear you,
you hurt me with what you
said. Because i understand you have it bad you
can talk to me.
i dont think i ahve ur problems.
but i ahve my own gather of them to.
i ahvnt had legeal gas and electricty
in like a year and a half.
i ahvnt internet or cable
in like 8 months
 i jsut got my food stamps back
i hadnt had them fer like 6 months.
my dads lazy
and only cares about his running and his bitching my
DAD never stops yelling or bitching about somthing is fucking 24/7
and i dont relly tell people much anymore because i dont need to complan about me.
but my mom doesnt work she jsut found out her work is mnaking her quit,
and my uncle only has one-two months to live.
i have all this on my shoulders
plus homework
being fat and ugly 
being made fun of.
its weighing me down to a breaking point.
and my fuckin dad cheating on my mom it stills gets to me.
and im losing friends.
but i cant talk to them anyway
either there too young and i never see them because of school
or i have no classes with them.
or lunch i cant really explain anyway
or im saying i ahve the same problems or its all about me.
im like whatthefuck
living here on earth isnt for me
i sleep constantly,
im  trying to be a better me
but its not working
why should i care
and i miss you bestfriend thow we arnt really that close anymore
thanks for being my friend for awhile thow
it ment more than you know,

Friday, September 2, 2011

everything is wrong

I have a lot on my mind
so many things are going wrong.
i hate my self
I dont know how i have friends
there is nothing great about me
Im annoying
Im ugly
Im fat
Im stupid
Im jealous.
school starts Tuesday
and I know im going to lose friends
im scared to get lost.
to get made fun.
and to trip down the stairs
what has happen to me
ive changed to much
im paranoid and worried about everything
im not funny anymore
i cry almost everyday
i wish someone
could make the pain stop.
i wish i had a friend someone to make me feel like everything will be okay
but why bother helping me
i dont deserve it.
im no one special
im nothing
nothing will get better
i want to be someone else
some one funny
someone pretty
someone rich
someone everyone liked
I JUST looked around
me and think
why am i living?