Monday, April 25, 2011

beautiful on the inside other words ugly on the out.

shes nice, shes funny,shes loud,shes crazy,shes a leader.
she has an attuide problem, shes stupied, she drowns out other voices, she does drugs, shes a wanabee
she wants to be difrrent. shes a failure will never get far in life shes insecure that will never change 
she crys for help but is ignored.
she may be beautiful ont he inside but never on the out.
her pain depends her. 
she has hate carved into her skin
she will never be perfect.
she lives in the shadow of her beautiful bestfriend
she lives in her own personal hell called home
she is poor
she makes up lies to hide her hiden truth.
why cant she be someone diffrent.
she just wishes she was happy 
thow she is sad.
she wants to be pretty.
but she is mad
why everyone is glad
she just doesnt know what to do with herself anymore
why should she stay dad?
love is never given and your the man.
who raised her
but tells her she is worthless
when your mad
you tell her she should be diffrent
you tell her to starve herself to be perfect so she does
one day it will be to late
and you will propbley be glad.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

this is just random

so im on google translate so i really jsut wanted to type things in diffrent langues
then i wanted to see would happen with names<----text is bigger
ジェニー<--- i dont think this is right but smileyfacee
well im bored now.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

a lot of my thoughts today

i write a lot of sad blogs because i am sad.
one thing i hate about myself is i get close to ppl and then push them away no one really understands its something wrong with me. i get this uneasy uncomfterble feeling when i get clsoe to pp l ecspecaily guys and i cant stand it, and i push the person away i hate it its a weird feeling and i have lost a lot of ppl becasue of it
i make excuses not to talk to the person and avod them but this is ahppening to me again and i dont no why. i dotn want to lose this person . but my outofcontrolness makes me lose ppl im a pusher i push people away. and i dont want to do it this time so im facing this promblem of mine so i dont lose this person.
 i just dont no how to shake this miserble feeling.
but i am going to. i hopee.
but anyway
--- i was reading sixbillion secerts. today and it was sad. but i can realate with a lot of these secerts.
i cryed yesterday and i wish that i didnt. it made things ackward.
but it made me realize i culd never lose helen she makes me feel somuch better because she is such a happy person. then she said somthing sad people can never make sad people happy and thats why she can make me happy
but i make sad peoepl happy all the time im nicee and i guess i cheer alot of peopel up ppl come to me with there problems and trust me but im a sad person and i make people happy.
i  have a friend im serously jelous of shes really pretty and friend with everyone. she also gets the guys.
i wish i culd be like her i admire her her so muchh she is great to talk to and really nice.EXTERMLY FUNNY . i never really blog about her s shes one of my best i bloged about you and I LOvE YOU HADIYA..
------------------------------ my thoughts for now

Friday, April 22, 2011

i wish

i wish
i wish i was skinny
i wish my eyes where pretty
i wish i ahd pretty hair
i wish i had a cute nose
i wish that i felt prety
i wish that you felt the same way
i wish that i culd cry.
i wish that i culd be happy
i wish for you to always be in my life.
i wish to never lose you
i wish to be rich
i wish to be loved
i wish u called me pretty with out me asking you
i wish that i was the type of girl who got guys
i wish you would open up to me
i wish that you where happy
i wish youd stop.
i wish for alot
but i wish for you to have a good life and to alwasy be happy i want more for you than my self
i wish that ever wish you made came true.
i wish that 2012 doesnt happen because loseing you wouldb e terrible
i wish that life was easy.


so i have had low selfesteem and i just relly like truely hate myself. im super fat with a big nose and ugly hair ir elly jsut hate looking at myself especaily when im with really pretty friends like helen and jenni because it jsut makes me feel all even more ugly... like sometimes i jsut wish i was 80 pounds and pretty but im not my lowself esteem sometimes makes it not easy to be happy and feel comfterble around ppl. i do self medicate alot and do some things i shuldnt butt i cant help it.i just  rember when i was a little kid and like no one cared wat i looked like but now everyone does and ppl can be really fucking mean i jsut wish i was lvoed and my dad didnt hate me i wish i was rich i wish i was pretty i jsut wish iw as lvoed. i honestly hate mysefl adn wish i was diffrent.  so lately  i feel this way and i wish i was diffrent but im not ...:( i get jelous easy also watch i hate. so grrrrr skype is fun so yeah... bleh

Friday, April 8, 2011


so i hate how i miss spell everything!!!
and i relly need to open up sometime soon or ill explodee.
anyway my next blogg below.
is hard  to read so highlight it easyer. sorry for mis spellings :D