Saturday, April 23, 2011

a lot of my thoughts today

i write a lot of sad blogs because i am sad.
one thing i hate about myself is i get close to ppl and then push them away no one really understands its something wrong with me. i get this uneasy uncomfterble feeling when i get clsoe to pp l ecspecaily guys and i cant stand it, and i push the person away i hate it its a weird feeling and i have lost a lot of ppl becasue of it
i make excuses not to talk to the person and avod them but this is ahppening to me again and i dont no why. i dotn want to lose this person . but my outofcontrolness makes me lose ppl im a pusher i push people away. and i dont want to do it this time so im facing this promblem of mine so i dont lose this person.
 i just dont no how to shake this miserble feeling.
but i am going to. i hopee.
but anyway
--- i was reading sixbillion secerts. today and it was sad. but i can realate with a lot of these secerts.
i cryed yesterday and i wish that i didnt. it made things ackward.
but it made me realize i culd never lose helen she makes me feel somuch better because she is such a happy person. then she said somthing sad people can never make sad people happy and thats why she can make me happy
but i make sad peoepl happy all the time im nicee and i guess i cheer alot of peopel up ppl come to me with there problems and trust me but im a sad person and i make people happy.
i  have a friend im serously jelous of shes really pretty and friend with everyone. she also gets the guys.
i wish i culd be like her i admire her her so muchh she is great to talk to and really nice.EXTERMLY FUNNY . i never really blog about her s shes one of my best i bloged about you and I LOvE YOU HADIYA..
------------------------------ my thoughts for now

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