Sunday, March 13, 2011


well my spelling and shit is not the best. im trying to work on it but i feel soo unnoticed right now i mean im starting to friend alot of new ppl :D  and i feel good about it but it agervates me no one besides like CASSIE<33 reads this blog. so why am i writing because i want to believe that people read it.
but let me tell you why im even writing this because cassie i was stalking her blog and she gets like 100 blog fews i have  like 9. amd the bleh part. is I HATE MYSELF. all my friends are getting in to sitemodeling and they should their all so pretty but i feel like that fat girl jsut sittign there on the side i add the sitemodeling ppl because i want to suport my sitemodel friends but i relly hate my self im so fucking fat when ppl mention fat things or weight or start talking about big things i shutup because i dont want to be called fat. i feel soo low and unconfident around guys my bestfriends im honestly soo jelous of them there so pretty and everyone likes them but i ahte being around hot guys because i no they dont want to talk to me they want to talk to my gorguss skinny tight close wearing flirtaous friends and i should just shutuip and sit in the conrner so i kinda drive guys away buy being werid honestly i ahte that im soow eird my friends think im hilours. and stuff but ims oo weird . ii hate my laugh i sound like a fucking metal seal. i havd adhd and i relly want to get medicated so im not so hyper and anoying all the time. i want to pretty like the girls on tv like my best friends like the popular girls  i want to be stick skinny but not have to exercsize or eat healthy like all my stick skinny friends i want to look pretty with my hair ina poney tail and nop makeup like ym freinds do i want to wear skinyn jeans and all that shit. i want look in the mirror and not see ugly me staring back at me. it seems so easy forn everyone else why cant it be for me.  i wish i was soo pretty. i mean even so of my bigger friends are gorguss. but im still so fat and ugly. why am i like this. and how come their not. how come i never get what i want and they do. how come my nose is soo big . i ahte when my brother makes comemnts about me "joking around" like "nikoole get your fat legs off the couch or nicole you chunk get out the way" those hurt me soo badly i HATE MYSELF SOOMUCH. i want cant i be like everyone else. i hate going to school because im soo selfconuois and i no what you gys are thinking jsut stop eating so much excersize its your falt your so fat. or even worse your not fat nikkole your soo pretty and beautiful i mean seroiusly guys please stop lieing to me . it doesnt make me feel better it makes me feel like great even my friend have to lie to me..smd i relly do try hard to lose weight i relly do but temptaion is such a BITCHH. and when i ahve sleepover with those all so gorguss friends and i see them eating pizza and drinking pop  and scafing down french fries wat am i supost to do. jsut sit there.  wow i jaut spilled my heart out to this blog wathc wasnt a good idea becaus eiu want ppl to read this but i dont want ppl to make fun of me because of this. or it to start drama these are me feelings. and i honestly feel this way . GOD. grr. im done writing . k bye. 

1 comment:

  1. Nikkole;
    you have no reason to hate yourself. You're a beautiful person; inside & out. <3
    Anyone who puts you down is a douchebag. So many people love you, and I think you should love yourself too.
    I'm here for you.