lately

so i have had low selfesteem and i just relly like truely hate myself. im super fat with a big nose and ugly hair ir elly jsut hate looking at myself especaily when im with really pretty friends like helen and jenni because it jsut makes me feel all even more ugly... like sometimes i jsut wish i was 80 pounds and pretty but im not my lowself esteem sometimes makes it not easy to be happy and feel comfterble around ppl. i do self medicate alot and do some things i shuldnt butt i cant help it.i just  rember when i was a little kid and like no one cared wat i looked like but now everyone does and ppl can be really fucking mean i jsut wish i was lvoed and my dad didnt hate me i wish i was rich i wish i was pretty i jsut wish iw as lvoed. i honestly hate mysefl adn wish i was diffrent.  so lately  i feel this way and i wish i was diffrent but im not ...:( i get jelous easy also watch i hate. so grrrrr skype is fun so yeah... bleh
------nikkole