Hanging till we old and grey like grandpa.muthafucking HOMIES

so  this blog isn't about me.

its about best friends or HOMIES

so like i  realized i have  like the best friend anyone could have

brooklyn jean kouba.

SO today and yesterday was so much fun.

besides a little bit of drama.

me and brooklyn have been laughing our asses off.

watch makes me really excited for the weekend.

i usually think i m the fat girl i cant have like normal friendships 

but brooklyn makes me feel like it doesn't matter about what i look like or have in life we are still bestfriends!

we had a giant sing along today lol we are so cool

yeah but this is all i wanted to say is that im  happy that i  have brooklyn has a friend or homie

better yet shes like fucking family :)

im glad i can be my self and that she still loves me  i need people like that,

not saying that i dont have other friends like that.

because i do.

but i just have fun times with brooky !

lol :)

im rolling sweets,smoking sours

FML
im super sick
so that means no school
and a ton of catch up work :(
im losing every thing
im so upset.
im ugly has fuck.
never been kissed, never been liked,
never been called pretty
just made fun of.
im to fat
im to ugly
im nothing special
not even close to perfect.
i wish i could see my friends
i wish i was happy
i always thought
when i was 8,9
i get to high school id be pretty
id be popular
all my other friends would be jealous
nope im the ugly duckling has my best friends
get prettier
and more people like them
its a big deal to me
fml
im not worth anyone's trouble
im dirt
dirt is actually
better then me
it can grow weed and pretty flowers
i hate myself more and more
no one cares thow
so im done here.
im done with everything
im on the edge and im so close to jumping.

im soo sorry.

i need to learn how to SHUTTHEFUCKUP!
i mean i am really sorrry i really didnt mean to blurt it out but i didnt know it was a secert.
and i didnt know she was standing right there and would tell her.
i didnt know it was wrong
i was just talking about the subject in genreal with your best friend
i didnt mean to hurt you or anyone else
IM SO SORRY
please forgive me,
i miss you so much as it is.
i dont want to lose you.

Letting go,

when i was 8 i never thought  we wouldnt be friends.  i told everyone me and (not saying name )--- are gonna go to collage together be best friends in highschool.

dude we have let go of our friendship. 

but now that i think about it i missyou sorta sometimes.

but on a other hand i dont see us being able to be friends again we have diffrent personailtys. and when we were friends? we always had drama

but i want to make peace with you

(even thow you dont read this)

i hope we can casually be friends again and i do wish you the best 

and im sorry we couldn't be friends and maybe blocking me on facebook is a nice suddle hint of our ending friendship  because if you would of inboxed me i prolly would of blew up.

and tryed to save somthing that was to far gone to save. but u can like unblock me now?

lol nah its whatever. 

have a great life :)

im also letting go of the fact of being kinda ushmae dthat my two best friends are 13.

ohwell there like 9 months younger then me big woop.

it just sucks i dont have school with them love yah brooklyn and helen (maya!kaylah!).

letting go 

of him?

i guess has happend i miss him and the funnest fucking memoires ever!

but i havnt seen him in a week, bleh not having classes with your  best friends? SUCK.

and now you

letting go of you.

i see it happening if it isnt already. we have no classes together and you never relly on the bus.

theres better friends out there for you than can make you happy.im not really good at that

i hope we can stay friends.

because trying to accept the fact that us has bestfriend isnt gonna last forever kills

me but i guess,

letting go of you might be the best thing for you.

no ever said change was easy.

but no one ever said it was hard.

ill give you my heart on a string

i feel so low. why cant i be high

i feel kinda out of it

i feel like my flirting is failing watch brings me back

to nikkole your ugly has fuck and fat 

thats all i think about my self

theres no awesome personality wtf is everyone saying

im lamee

im a loser

to be honest my parnets keep making me think my friend use me

watch kinda upsets me

i mean if i ask them there like wtf no

but it keeps creeping in my mind

am i just a friend ppl use?

ftw fml

im in a really sad mood

because i feel useless

and ugly and stupied

and gross

im really unhappy

and i want t no whats wrong with me i see ugly skinny girls get hit on o\all the time

and i see semi fat pretty girls get hit on to

wtf is wrong with me

why does no one  like me

i hate my self

DEAR GOD,

can i please be somebody else?

when i feel this low i usely cry and cut

but i havnt done that in like 7 months yay me.

poemish thing:

with its sharp edges and its shiny glisten 

it waits for me

to tell it my problems

with every drip of blood.

get over yourself or hop on the pity train

everyone

has their sad moments

their i hate my life moments

but ive been living those moments since 

i was born.

its never been good

im jsut used to

it and i know how to get what i want when i want the real reason im such a brat

i want to fit in i want to go to school in expensive things so

people think im coola dn can aford things.

truth is im a horrible person i make my family live with out

because i wanted school clothes but knowing my dad

that 600$ would of went to 

somthing diffrent anyways.

not to our bills or food or to anew house

my panrets give me hope then crahs them down

dear you,

you hurt me with what you

said. Because i understand you have it bad you

can talk to me.

i dont think i ahve ur problems.

but i ahve my own gather of them to.

i ahvnt had legeal gas and electricty

in like a year and a half.

i ahvnt internet or cable

in like 8 months

 i jsut got my food stamps back

i hadnt had them fer like 6 months.

my dads lazy

and only cares about his running and his bitching my

DAD never stops yelling or bitching about somthing is fucking 24/7

and i dont relly tell people much anymore because i dont need to complan about me.

but my mom doesnt work she jsut found out her work is mnaking her quit,

and my uncle only has one-two months to live.

i have all this on my shoulders

plus homework

school

being fat and ugly 

being made fun of.
its weighing me down to a breaking point.
and my fuckin dad cheating on my mom it stills gets to me.
and im losing friends.
but i cant talk to them anyway
either there too young and i never see them because of school
or i have no classes with them.
or lunch i cant really explain anyway
or im saying i ahve the same problems or its all about me.
sometimes
im like whatthefuck
living here on earth isnt for me
i sleep constantly,
im  trying to be a better me
but its not working
SO FUCKIT
why should i care
and i miss you bestfriend thow we arnt really that close anymore
thanks for being my friend for awhile thow
it ment more than you know,