im selfish

im so selfish i put my emotions before yours
if your happy then i am too
just having you in my life is ok with me
...........ok im lying
but your happy so there for so am i
i rather have you happy then dead.
but i think your lying .
its not true

HEY if your reading this

k so i know my blog isnt that cool nothing really reading worthy about
it
but
today when i logged off i ahd 356 views then when i got back on 372 views
so PEOPLE MUST BE READING IT RIGHT?
so yeah ppl reading THANKYOU SO MUCH
i mean its only like 3 ppl i think but still im not good at math grammar and all that stuff
BUT THANK YOU THANK YOU
YOUR THE BEST
but now i must ask a favor
please leave comments if you read them id love to know whos reading it
and
tell your friends lets get more readers
I know
its really nothing to benafit the readers all 3 pp XD
but please?
i would say somthing cheesy like together we can uprise aginst bullying (if i could i would)
or we all can not be fat
together (not calling my readers fat lol)
but anyway i like when ppl read my stuff
i lost my point
strangers please read this cuz i like strange ppl  yeah~

I CAN barley hide this EXCITMENT

SO last year i went to a paramore concert and i over did i posted excatly like 15 status about it in 2 days and got all MY friends pissed at me for braging but hey it was my first concert!
but i really want someone this year to be happy for me going to WARPED TOUR. but i hanvt relyl told ppl in stuff cuz i dont want to be all bragy bitchy but i no some of my friends (not talking to you leah) have read my blog wathc mentions warped tour and havnt even asked me about i mean come on everyone knows im dying to explode about but i have benn keeping it cool havnt told anyone anything really.
but im begging some one to ask me oh ur going out of town 2morrow why?
so i can be all like BITCHES I AM GOING TO WARPED TOUR SUCK ITT.<---with out the bitches and suck it part that would be rude.
but any way with abby cuz she invited me in indian and were staying at a hotel and im going to get a shirt and get to see some of my favriote bands like LIKE blood on the dance floor a day to rember THE READY SET stephen jerzakk simple plan and a shit load more of my favorites. and i really want to tell everyone that i see because im so excited.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i just got to brag to my blog yay!
anyway theres a cool person out there named............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
.......................
LEAH FREAKING AMAZING BITCHES hEsS
she is an awesome person and shes a lesbian wathc makes her cooler cuz shes not afraid to be herself
no serously shes pimpin. like foreal.
like she says shes mean!
but shes not shes the real deal
liek i have never met anyone who doesnt like her even popular kids like her
she should be a super hero
i see it now
her long blonde hair
flwoing in the wind and wearing a purple spandex cosutme with two LL on it standing for leah the lesbian
and a rainbow cape the says onloy awesome ppl wear rainbow capes on it because shes super cool
she make sme laugh so hard and she makes me feel cool when i hangout with herr.
so YEAH thats all i ahve to say righ tnow about how cool she is because i dont want to give her a big ego like helen.hahah <--helen would laugh
but anyway i have to pakc and shower and all that shit for tmmrw
CUZ WARPED TOUR BITCHES
again with out the bitches cuz thats jsut rude
XD
XD/...............btw srry for misspellings leah (im being so creppy in this blog
oh and btw when im thinkign to my self who can i be my complte self around with out being judged leah pops in my head because shes nice. and is cool
and i dont have to hide my personnality from her
heres a picture of leah

Ive known you for awhile.

your cute.
we have history
i want to talk to you
i miss you
you haunt my dreams& my thoughts
you where a sweet heart
but your ugly side showed everyone has forgot you
but I cant help but rember you
your blue eyes that sparkle
your tiny hugs that cuddle
your everything
NO i dont like you
i dont even no you anymore
i wish  i did know you
but i dont
i dont know anything about you any more
its been two years
and nothing
you wont respond to my facebook chat but
its ok
i am over
you
but it would
be nice to be friends with you
but i guess its ok
that were not
have a good life

the good and the bad

I edited MY  blog! and im really happy with the new name and everything!
kay. anyway i always look at the bad in my life. My life may have its issues but it has its good times too.
so this is a hapy blog of all the things i love most in my life!
the moments i cherish and stuff.
1. FRIENDS (this is a little shout out sorry if i forgot you.)
CASSIE BESTPERSONEVER BEHLER. ILOVEYOU k honestly its true you are the most amazing person ever! and i have to say im addicted to your blog! i love it idk why but i like how real you are in it.
anway, yeah your supper cool and thankyou THANKYOU for being there you mean the world to me.
JACKSON AWESOMEKID SIMS-MEYER k well iloveyou your my bestfriend you are prolly equal to cassie. cassie could be a little more awesome thow srry. <---shes been my best friend since like 5th grade. anyway i love how comfterble we are around eatch other i love having a guy best friend like you! the day i  cherish the most downtown with jenni day and that like 6 hour skype day that ended in tears. but i prolly will never tell you why i was crying. sorry. any way your auhmazzing! i love your hugs btw you wear really big shirts. your to skinny for them get smaller shirts please?
ABBY k gurll i love you  we wernt very close til i had a breakdown at school and told you like everything in my life. and now where like bestfriends and  you made my dream come true cuz your taking me too warped tour yay!<---thats a good thing in my life.
HELEN<---cool kid your my close friend we have wacked out moments but a moment with you is never bad like goign swimign when its frezzing out side at like midnight, walking to meijer, dying your hair and all that other things we do. YOUR CRAZY. like physco. but its k cuz i <3 you.
SONYA-your super cool and funny and i love you
COUC--YOUR crazy hyper but your alot of fun to hangout with.
^^^those ppl are my closest bestest friends srry if your not on her i still love you
2.family.
THOMAS-your so awesomeeee your the bestest brother ever
i mean like ever! we are really close and im happy because your awesome yeah mayn i love hanginout with you and my friends. your cool. kepp it pimpin
DAD-you give me what i want if i beg so yeah!
mom- your easy to talk to
3.DOGS
i have really cute dogs :D
yeah i no longer feel like writing this.
bye

yeah another updatee!

so im going to like copy cassie in away with out her permession. but i dont think she cares in less she does so cassie I LOVEEEE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

summer has been fun.
ive done alot of things.
but there were alot of things i wish i had said to ppl that i didnt so im going to wrtie them hear in letters. but i relly dont want ppl to find out who they are.
so yeah .

dear person number one,
sometimes i dont like you
your kinda a backstabber.
but your cool at the same times.

dear person two,
i LOVE YOU
no really i do im always thinkign you dont like me
but your my bestfriend and yeah btw this letter is for BAGELL.
yeahhh we have the best times ever togetherr your so auhmazzing,
we arwe waytoo closee inthe good way yeah you make me laugh so hard and we have great convos early in the morning yeah mayn.

dear person3,
we got close this year.
and we have actully  hang out alot this summer so far your funy and cool.

dear person4,
your cool and all but i have a big issue with you
i mean its not far for me too have this issue with you because you prolly do relly like.(not trying to give ppl away so i wont finsh this sentence) but anway your pretty and funny thow i have met you only a few times we should hangout more as loong has you dont talka bout yeah.

dear person5,
your one of the best ppl ever
i would of forgot you even you hadnt just comment on my wall post but yeah i love you.
your a little to boyfriend crazy. but ill get over that i give you permission to be crazy because you have a great boyfriend. and im so happy foryou.
and im so happy my brother and your sister met!
dear person6,
you truly are my hero
and i lvoe hangingout with you
i just feel like you dont like hanging with me
or i ahve to have somnthing to chill with you but anyway im happy how clsoe we are
dear person 7,
were should i start?
your crazy. but i am crazy too.
i think about you constantly
you really are so clueless how much you mean to me and im happy for you
thow this happyness is surely envy.
i mean id die for you i truly would
i jsut wish you new how much i really did care and how i actully feel but you prolly
would never understand and it would ruin everything
so ill jsut contue to cry at night and put on a happy face
imissyou. and i can never lose you.
but i really hope you get over it FAST. and find me when you do
because ill always be waiting.
yeah i sound prolly creppy in this kinda physco but i cant help true emotions.
bestfriend iloveyou
dear person 8,
YOUR MY VERY BEST FRIEND
but i hate how beatiful you are
and how much ppl like you.
because they dont like me nearly has much.
i dont want to lose you ever
but one day im scared i will.
butanway on a happy note your freak awesome and i lvoe you tons and tons.
dear person9,
i really want to be freinds with you and your bestfriend because you guys are so cool
but im two weird
dear person 10,
YOU PLAYED ME but thats ok because i was using you
yeah your cute
and yeah you made me feel specail
but no i truely could of not liked you because i was alrady in love with someone else
you just made me feel specail and you took my mind of of the other person
and why i was cought up with you i slowly last that person and when i snapped back it was already to late but
yes i did cry over you
and i did stalk your facebook
and i did bahs you to my friends
but your a jerk
with a cuteness to you
but what ever your thrown away now
have fun with her.
dear person 11,
your two amazing
and i feel awesome hanging out with you
i hope this friendship contunes because your funny and fun!

well yeah thats it actully theres a ton more ppl i want to write two but fer now this is good enough.

nothing exciting just an update.

soooo.
i dont relly blog much anymore because i dont have internet well besides on my brothers computer but anyway
I regert the blogs i wrote in the past even thow i feel that way alot of the time doesnt mean its true. i have good friends actully GREAT FRIENDS. they dont care what size i am only i do and yes im trying to change my size and i refuse to fail i bet a lot of ppl out their want me to fail and they will try there hardest to hurt me and that made me realize somthing.
PEOPLE at my school or in genreal just around the world now im not saying everyone is like this but people just seem like they will go out of their ways to be mean to me (not jsut me everyone)
i cant spell (its not true i can spell its just im to lazy to take my time with blogs and facebook to make things perfecrt) or im too  loud , my nose is weird im to FAT. im anoying. im "emo" im this im that.
come on get over yourself. yeah i know im not a size two. i know that i culd be more quiet i no my nose is big  i no i tend to talk to much emo is emotinal guys seroiusly every girl is emo on their period. but SO WHAT. i am me and i owuld be lying if i said i dont care what you say about me .because i do or i wouldnt get so cought up with it. truth is yes being made fun of and talk behind your back and such it hurts its mean. and it makes me so insecure but no what forget you if you dont like anything about me then ignore me  i have people that love and like me for who i am. but then <-------- that whole little speech thing made me realize NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT ME. im so cought up on peoples opinons that i think everyone stares at me and everyone is judging em news flash nicole <--- im talking to my self im not weird. any way not everytihng about you the world doesnt revolve around you. i really dont know what to do in these messy feelings. besides try to change the things i dont like about my self like my size but i refuse to try to change the things the world doesnt like about me. i like my anoyingness and my loudness and so do my friends the people i do care about. THIS BLOG IS LONG. but i have  alot more thins to write about . im gonna write another blog k <--note to nicole: please try to spell more things write by slwoing down on my thoughts,